Meet Your Militia: Schwartzie (#78)

October 28, 2010 militia cheerleader 5 Comments

Schwartzie (#78) is a two-year O-line player who proves her bad-assery not only on the field but on the dance floor as well. She was also kind enough to be the Pre-Bling-Day Meet Your Militia subject, although if you are Schwartzie (or, apparently, the Backseat Coach), every day is Bling Day.

1. What surprised you the most – or what didn’t you expect – about playing for the Militia (or playing football in general)?

Hmm, what surprised me the most? Perhaps the close friendships that I developed over the past two years – well, that might be what I didn’t expect. I think what surprised me the most was how far I could push myself to become a member of the Boston Militia. As Smash likes to quote me, I was an overweight, out-of-shape 38-year-old who had never played tackle football and now I’m playing with some people literally half my age.

gameaction — Schwartzie vs. the New England Intensity

game.postgame — Game Face, followed immediately by Post-Game Face

2. You are part of the undefeated 11-0 World Champion 2010 Boston Militia team, and tomorrow you’ll be receiving a Superbowl ring. Can you articulate what that means to you? (Also, do you plan to wear the ring, like, 24/7?)

It’s very surreal and there are times when I still don’t believe it’s true. For me, it’s a great accomplishment; I haven’t come in first for anything since 2nd grade Field Day. To be a part of a Championship team is something that is extremely special and very few people get to experience. I am so going to wear my ring everyday, but I’ll give it a rest at night…don’t need to retain fluid in my fingers.

3. July 10, 2010 marked two memorable occasions: it was the day you guys shut out the D.C. Divas in a massively-anticipated ECC rematch and it was also your 40th birthday. Is there one moment that was the highlight of that day for you?

The highlight of the day was when I saw my Dad in the stands and he was wearing my number (78). But the entire day was awesome: birthday wishes from teammates, walking into the locker room and getting a gameday hug from Cahill, beating the Divas, AND Chocolate Cake shots with the O-line at the afterparty.

schwartzie.12june10.sharks — Schwartzie signals victory over the NY Sharks in the 2010 Divisional Playoffs.

4. What is something that’s made you feel supported as a Militia player?

I think all the support that Ernie Boch, Jr. has given us has been tremendous. He supports the team with advertising, transportation and outfitting us so we can look professional. Would love to see a little more merchandising, but it’s getting better as the fan base is increasing. My co-workers are always asking about the team, how we’re doing and when the next game is. The residents of Somerville are great by coming to our games. I love it when the kids ask for my autograph. The best was when my friend Sug made a sign and I was in her FAB 5. I like the occasional media events that happen with various radio stations, but I wish they would take it a little more seriously and not ask us about the Lingerie League.

5. What is something you’d like see happen that would make you feel more supported?

I would love to see some sort of blurb in the Sunday papers with at least our score instead of a one-off article at the beginning or end of the season. After hearing that the Kansas City Tribe got to go to Arrow Head Stadium and get announced at one of the Chiefs pre-season games as the 2009 IWFL Champs, I had fantasies about going to Gillette and rubbing elbows with the Patriots O-line, but I’ll settle for more coverage in the mainstream media, both print and broadcast. I would love a cable channel to broadcast the games, that’d be sweet.

dancingqueen — Schwartzie the Birthday Girl gettin' down to 'Dancing Queen' after helping to defeat the DC Divas in the Eastern Conference Championship game.

6. Care to defend your apparent addiction to ABBA?

Who doesn’t like ABBA?! It’s such great music; you can’t help but feel happy after you listen to ABBA. Infectious, bubble gum pop with catchy hooks and it’s great to dance to. Yes, I have seen Mamma Mia! the musical six times, but where else can you see ABBA music performed live? I could blame this one on my parents; we grew up with an 8-track (yeah, I’m dating myself) in my Mom’s car, my parents joined Columbia House (really dating myself) and we had four ABBA 8-tracks that we’d listen to constantly. It was better than listening to Nat King Cole and Herb Albert over and over (although, I’m fans of them too).

Coda: We would be remiss in our duties if we featured Schwartzie without also featuring her BAMF tattoo, emphasis on the BA. For reals, yo.

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Pre-bling countdown!

October 28, 2010 militia cheerleader 2 Comments

As the much-anticipated Awarding-of-the-Bling Ceremony approaches, I just wanted to let everyone know that Backseat Coach and I are indeed planning to attend (although “crash” may be a more accurate verb since technically we are not arriving as anyone’s One Designated Allotted Guest). I cannot guarantee that we will be able to rock the whole night away, however, and sadly I have to turn down the numerous very kind offers of drink-buying, since our own off-season news is that your Militia Cheerleader and Backseat Coach are in fact expecting a new addition to their family. Estimated arrival is mid-May, which means that – should everything go well – your Militia Cheerleader will be approximately the size of a small planet when the season begins next spring. (Bring on the Militia maternity wear!)

I thought for a while about how to refer to the aforementioned new addition on this site; the simplest thing to do would be to combine our own names but “Militia Coach” is simply inaccurate and frankly, “Backseat Cheerleader” doesn’t necessarily conjure up images one wants associated with one’s firstborn. So we’re gonna go with “Tiny Rookie,” although the accuracy of that is iffy too since a) we do not know TR’s gender yet and b) I have no intention of letting any child of mine actually play football. Are you kidding me? People get HURT playing football. Jesus H. What the hell’s the matter with you.

The far more relevant off-season news, however, is of course the sudden exodus of the Militia and a number of other teams away from the IWFL. Your Militia Cheerleader knows nothing about this other than what’s she read on the Militia website and seen in Google Alerts; I’m not even sure what league they’re playing for now. It’s like the kind-of-WFA? WFA II Electric Boogaloo? I did see it referred to once as “the WFA-associated supergroup”, which you have to admit is pretty awesome.

I’m really hoping more details come out at some point, since the Militia Tactical Assault Team does in fact have a lot of ideas re: promotion in the off-season but it’s difficult to promote a team playing in a league with no name against unknown opponents in an undetermined division, y’know?

But the bottom line is that whatever league the Militia are in, they will rock it (all night long) because that’s just how they roll. Can’t wait to see everyone tomorrow night (or tonight, by the time you read this) and cheer up a storm, at least until I fall asleep on Backseat Coach’s shoulder as I have been doing every night at about 8:30 pm.

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Best league evah!!

August 4, 2010 militia cheerleader Leave a comment

Tragically, when I clicked on the link to the whole answer, there was already just a notice that the it had been deleted according to[sws_css_tooltip position=”center” colorscheme=”rosewood” width=”210″ makeOverflowVisible=”1″ url=”javascript:void(0);” trigger=”*” fontSize=”12″]I think they mean “in accordance with”, but whatever.[/sws_css_tooltip] their “Community Guidelines”.

Hey Yahoo: why don’t you want us to know about the Linguine League, huh? Whatcha hiding, huh??

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This wouldn’t have happened if that totally unnecessary comma wasn’t there.

August 2, 2010 militia cheerleader 1 Comment

Reason #28 why the Boston Militia needs better press releases:

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So when’s the parade?

July 26, 2010 militia cheerleader 3 Comments

WHAT’S UP 2010 IWFL SUPERBOWL CHAMPIONS.

HOLY EFF.

ALL NIGHT LONG.

So your Militia Cheerleader got back from the airport at about one a.m. and had to work six hours later so she is not able to write recaps, post pics or hate on major media outlets until tonight – but rest assured that it will happen, as even in the wee hours of the night, Backseat Coach and I were still waking each other up to talk about the game:

BSC: It’s amazing that they held them scoreless for that long!
Me: I know!
BSC: I mean, most of the time, when that happens, it’s because the other team can’t advance the ball. But that wasn’t what was going on! They were moving it down the field all the time! It’s just that, each time –
Me & BSC in unison: – they just couldn’t get it done!
Cats: OMG, they came back crazy.

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Notes from the Road

July 23, 2010 militia cheerleader 3 Comments

(In no order and with no coherent transitions, because I have been up since 3 am.)

Backseat Coach and I got up so early for our 5 am flight and were so spacey that we accidentally attempted to rob a Dunkin’ Donuts when we both walked out assuming the other had paid. (We were quickly apprehended in the parking lot but laughed so hard when confronted that we were released on our own recognizance after coughing up the six bucks we owed them.)

***

Travel Advisory: if you wear a cowboy hat in Texas, people assume you know where you’re going.

***

Overheard at Enterprise Rental Car in the Austin airport:

Rental car guy: Let’s see…you’re getting a Ford Explorer…
BSC: Yup.
Rental car guy: Do you want a black one or a silver one?
BSC: Uh, silver, I guess.
Me: What?!
BSC: Oh – did you want the black one?
Me: TEAM COLORS. HELLO.
Rental car guy: Oh! Are you here for the Boston Militia?
BSC & Me: Um, yeah, we are.
Rental car guy: Yeah! They were all here yesterday. They got some big vehicles. [pause] They were big. [pause] And their bags were bigger.

***

My shining moment of the day came when BSC and I had boarded the plane that would take us from Boston to Houston (en route to Austin), and as we were pulling away from the gate, BSC was showing me the very cool Twitter app he uses on his iPhone, which I apparently chose to express my excitement about by yelling “OH MY GOD, THAT’S THE BOMB!”

***

You can take the girl out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the girl

Me: Whoa! I just saw a guy wearing a checkered shirt and a cowboy hat and he wasn’t even kidding!
BSC: I know, baby. He does that every day.
Me: Every day?
BSC: Every day.
Me: Whoaaaaaaa.

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The limit to our love

July 21, 2010 militia cheerleader

Dear Boston Militia:

In case you hadn’t noticed, there is a lot that I am willing to do for you. I will attend every one of your home games and as many away games as I can. I will fly halfway across the country to watch you play. I will cheer for you and advocate for you and publicize the team as much as humanly possible.

But I will not let someone throw my old ass twenty feet up in the air over concrete.

I am telling you this to make sure you understand the difference between your Militia Cheerleader and the Sacramento Sirens Cheer Elite. Despite my name and my perpetual fascination with cheerleading competitions on ESPN2[sws_css_tooltip position=”center” colorscheme=”rosewood” width=”254″ makeOverflowVisible=”1″ url=”javascript:void(0);” trigger=”*” fontSize=”12″]which you’d think Backseat Coach would be more excited about, but I think he just finds it slightly disturbing [/sws_css_tooltip], there’s not much similarity between me and other cheerleader-types. Remember the DC Divas rap? In response, I wrote one for us. Here it is, in its entirety:

Bos-ton [clap] Mil-i-tia [clap] fuck you.

I have not been able to tell if Sacramento Sirens Cheer Elite will be attending the game this weekend – it’s hard for me to imagine that they wouldn’t be, but I don’t know what their travel budget is like and their events page doesn’t mention it although that could absolutely be a website-updating lapse and not a we’re-not-going-to-Texas lapse.

I guess I just want you to know that even if the Sirens show up with a whole squadron of matching-uniformed highly-enthusiastic extremely loud synchronized tumblers or whatever, there’s still no way those guys love their team more than we love you. And come on, who would you rather have on your side: a bunch of people wearing matching spandex or this guy?

xoxo
your militia cheerleader

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Meet Your Militia: Penta (#36)

July 21, 2010 militia cheerleader Leave a comment

Defensive back Penta (#36) holds a number of distinctions, but I wish to highlight two of them here: one, she was unanimously voted MVP of the Eastern Conference Championship game by me and Barker’s stepmom[ref]the Backseat Coach got upset that he was not included in this statement but I explained that he waited until the end of the game to award her this designation while we declared it official several minutes before halftime.[/ref] and two, she has the coolest grandmother around. (Nanny, if you read this, I’m ready to storm the Boston Globe building with you, and I’m sorry I swear so much.)

1. Of the games you’ve played for this team, is there one that you consider your favorite? Which one and why?

Of all the games I’ve played, my favorite would have to be the one we just played against the Divas, for so many reasons: it advanced us to the Championship; they’re our arch-nemesis (the equivalent of Superman and Lex Luther, where the Militia = Superman); we shut them out; and IT JUST FELT SO GOOD!

Although we had beaten them twice during the regular season, we still had to put the work in during our many bye weeks to prepare, because once you make the playoffs it’s anyone’s game. There’s so much history between the Militia and the Divas (most, if not all of our supporters are well aware of this) and we made a promise to ourselves and our supporters that we were on a mission not to let history repeat itself. Check! On to the next one…

2. How did you first find out about the Boston Militia? What experience did you have with football before then?

I first found out about the IWFL in January of 2007, when my mom saw an ad in my local newspaper for tryouts for the Bay State Warriors and jokingly suggested I try out. I went online and did some research, and it looked pretty awesome. I recruited two of my friends to try out with me and it was amazing! I’ve been addicted ever since. I had played Pop Warner football when I was in 6th & 7th grade, and I also played on my high school powderpuff team in my senior year.

3. During one scary, rainy game in 2008, you were injured and got taken off the field on a stretcher into an ambulance. (Thankfully, you either had no lasting damage or have been doing a kick-ass job of hiding it for two years.) What were your thoughts after that happened? Did it make you nervous at all to return to playing?

When it was happening, it was terrifying and painful – it was more of a reality check than anything. It’s one of those things that you know can happen, but you don’t think it will ever happen to you. Overall, it was a very scary experience, one I never want to go through again. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about returning to play, but if you play with hesitation, that’s when most injuries occur.

After that, I put a lot more effort into working on my technique and tackling properly to avoid injury as much as possible. Plus, the way I see it, you can get hurt doing anything – clearly, launching your body around increases your chances, but at least it’s fun!

4. What is something that’s made you feel supported as a Militia player?

My family and friends go above and beyond to support me every week. They tailgate before every home game (even in the rain), they made an awesome sign and if they can’t make the game, they listen to it on the radio. I even have five family members traveling to Texas to support us in the championship game. One of them is my grandmother, who is by far my biggest fan – she has put off vacations this summer to come to our games, she even weathered our playoff game vs. the Sharks in the rain (I spotted her in the stands wearing a sombrero to protect her hair). There are a few things my grandmother can’t stand, including heat and humidity, rain, flying and the D.C. Divas – and she is going to fly to Texas in the middle of July! Seriously, if that doesn’t make a person feel supported I don’t know what will. And she doesn’t just love the Militia because of me, she supports the entire team. She carries our program around to show it off to random people[ref]Ooh! I do that too! Right on![/ref] and every time I talk to her she says “I believe in all of you; if anyone can do it, it’s the Militia. You girls are wonderful.” Oh Nanny, we love you too!

5. What is something you’d like see happen that would make you feel more supported?

It would definitely be cool to see our scores in the paper. Here’s another Nanny reference: every week she checks the Sunday paper sports section to see if they did a small write-up or even just put the results in the score column…needless to say, she is not very happy with the Globe or the Herald.

I also think that given all the sports networks that are out there today, we should get a little coverage. If they have room to cover bowling and billiards, I’m sure there is a time slot out there for women’s football. I’m just saying.

6. Assuming you have an iPod or mp3 player of some sort, please put it on “shuffle” and list the very first three songs that come up. (No skipping the embarrassing ones.)

OK, here they are: “Last Night” by Az Yet, “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper, “A Decade Under the Influence” by Taking Back Sunday.

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See? I don’t ALWAYS hate EVERYONE.

July 15, 2010 militia cheerleader 1 Comment

Fun fact: I kind of love Football Gameplan. I mean, yeah, it would be nice if this page had content and working links (or was at all remotely accurate) but to be fair, most of the other pages on that site have similar issues so at least it’s somewhat uniformly underdeveloped. But that’s not really the point; the point is their youtube videos, which combine low-budget graphics and a cheesy sports-drama soundtrack with actual intelligent football analysis for a whole lot of leagues, including the IWFL. Like it was a real game and everything! I know! Wacky, right??

Now, this part is totally not the fault of Football Gameplan[ref]who I actually am trying to write a positive post about, I swear[/ref] but it makes me sad that the bar is set so low in this arena that any interview or article that doesn’t preface “football” with “women’s” in every single instance of the word feels like a friggin’ gift from God. (This is why the Militia Cheerleader cannot ever allow herself to be interviewed. It would just end up like this: “So how did you get interested women’s football?” “Dunno. How did you get interested in men’s sportscasting?”)

But beyond the fact that its mere existence is enough to make me happy, that Emory Hunt guy cracks me up. Dude, who proclaims themselves to be “the Czar of the Playbook”? THAT guy! Which is awesome. As is this, for the most part:

So yeah, he’s clearly not Czar of the Roster: I’m not sure why he talks about Cahill (#7/QB) while showing a photo of someone who – to my knowledge – hasn’t played on the team since 2008, and I’m quite sure that he effed up the consonant at the end of #28’s name, but you know what? I’ll totally take that over a 100% technically accurate piece that lacks any amount of actual respect for the game and the players. Seriously.

Plus, he picked Boston. What can I say? The man knows his women’s football.

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Epic postgame post, part 2: Tyranny of the Oppressor

July 15, 2010 militia cheerleader 2 Comments

or, “Why the IWFL hates my boyfriend”

Ok, so: back to that Twitter thing I mentioned in the last post. For most of the first half of the game, IWFL just straight-up reposted Backseat Coach’s updates (he was posting to the @BostonMilitia account as he is in fact the Designated Militia Twitterer). But let’s take a look at the last few postings in the second quarter:

BSC: 11:06 2ndQ Boston rush TD! Snyder kick good. Boston 14 DC 0.
IWFL: 11:06 2ndQ Boston rush TD! Snyder kick good. Boston 14 DC 0.

BSC: Kickoff. Hemlock returns, stopped at own 25. 1st and 10 DC.
IWFL: Kickoff. Hemlock returns, stopped at own 25. 1st and 10 DC.

BSC: DC advances the ball 40 yards, as the ref did not see the pass skip off the carpet.
IWFL: DC advances the ball 40 yards.

From here on out, it’s not like they stopped reposting his updates entirely but he was definitely on seven-second delay…and of the two Twitter feeds coming in, one started to get reposted juuuuuust a bit more than the other, even though that one too occasionally lacked complete objectivity:

BSC: Snyder 40 yd FG try no good. End of 2ndQ. Boston 14 DC 0.
DC: Militia FG attempt fails! Divas have 1/2 min and the ball b/4 first half’s close.
IWFL: Militia FG attempt fails! Divas have 1/2 min and the ball b/4 first half’s close.

…and would have lacked even more objectivity if Twitter didn’t have a 140 character limit:

DC: IWFL Eastern Conf championship in the books. Divas trail the Militia 14-0. DC will need to mount a comeback in the 2nd stanza.
IWFL: IWFL Eastern Conf championship in the books. Divas trail the Militia 14-0. DC will need to mount a comeback in the 2nd …

DC: Divas’ Hemlock picks off Boston QB in the endzone to prevent another score. DC takes over on their own 20. Time to mount the comeback..
IWFL: Divas’ Hemlock picks off Boston QB in the endzone to prevent another score. DC takes over on their own 20. Time to moun …

And look! Even our superstar QB gets snubbed:

BSC: Cahill amazing rush for a TD! Snyder kick good. 5:43 4th Boston 28 DC 0.
DC: Militia adds another TD. PAT good. Divas trail Boston now 28-0.
IWFL: Militia adds another TD. PAT good. Divas trail Boston now 28-0.

However, by the end of the game the IWFL’s nefarious campaign of censorship eased up a little, and they did repost this:

water — THAT'S how you end a playoff shutout.
Photo © Barry Millman Threepairs Photography

BSC: Gatorade! Boston Militia shutout the DC Divas to earn the title of Eastern Conference Champion! Final score: Boston 28 DC 0.

IWFL: Gatorade! Boston Militia shutout the DC Divas to earn the title of Eastern Conference Champion! Final score: Boston 28 DC 0.

…which is mostly funny because when BSC and I were talking about the Twitter feed later we discussed that his post there wasn’t entirely accurate since, in fact, no beverage other than water is allowed on the field at Dilboy Stadium[ref]Incidentally, that bothers the living hell out of me. Militia players who may be reading, does it bother you too? Or do you not even care so I should just get over it?[/ref], but we both agreed that it just wouldn’t have the same ring to it if he had posted “Water! Boston Militia shutout the DC Divas.”

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