As some of you might know, this site experienced a hefty spike in readership recently (hi, all!) which is both thrilling and a bit nervewracking since now I feel like I have to be all clever and articulate when really that shit just sometimes happens by accident, and the rest of the time it’s just me cracking myself up by saying “BUT WILL THE MILITIA DARE KICK OFF TO TARA STEPHENSON?” for the hundredth time. But hey, if you wanna hang out for that part too, awesome!

And I do kind of wish I had a better filter between my brain and my mouth, because I think it would be a great thing if there were blogs like this that could maybe help the IWFL gain more visibility among mainstream media and the general population, but I think those have to be the kind of blogs that you can send out on Twitter to your fellow soccer moms or email to your extended family or whatever, and probably not the blogs written by someone who decides on her way home from work that today’s post topic is going to be “assholes”.

So hey! Today’s post topic is assholes.

Case study #1: Here’s short piece about the Boston Militia that ran in the Improper Bostonian about a year ago: give it a quick read. So, that Altschuller guy: he’s an asshole. He’s not a raving lunatic, he’s not some dude that you don’t want in the same room with kids…he’s just, y’know, an asshole. It’s not uncommon. But if you look past his cheapshot gender-war commentary, I think he was honestly impressed with the game. And even if he didn’t go to a single other game (which I think is a safe-money bet) at least he has some knowledge of the existence of this as a legit sport, and I have to say I like that.

Case study #2: At the Sharks game last Saturday, the Backseat Coach and I ended up sitting next to some assholes. When I was relaying this to a friend of mine yesterday, she understandably thought I meant people who were heckling or making really vulgar comments to each other or something, when in fact I meant it more as a demographic descriptor. Like “we sat next to some gay guys” or “we sat near some Canadians” or something. They were perfectly civil, it was just crystal clear to me that they were experiencing some major cognitive dissonance around trying to connect the kick-ass game happening in front of them with the names and faces they saw in the program book. I didn’t catch everything they said about how they had ended up at the game (I don’t hear well and I yell a lot) but it was something like, one of them had been invited to a previous game by someone who knew someone on the team, and to his shock, it was a goddamn good game and so the next time the Militia were in town, he decided to go again and bring a couple buddies.

Where I’m going with this whole thing is this: I experience my own cognitive dissonance when I listen to someone simultaneously express admiration for the players on the field and, to use Case Study #1 as an example, “scan the names [in the program] to see who sound[s] hot.” I don’t know what to do when someone – in utter seriousness – praises the power and the poise of the offense after they make an amazing touchdown, and then ignores the extra point kick because they’re busy making jokes about the weight of some of the players on the roster.

So I’m of two minds on this issue: on the one hand, I don’t want to be around or interact with anyone who would spend as much time talking about the players’ appearance as they would discussing their performance in the game. On the other hand, I want as many people as possible to find out about this and get hooked on it like I am. And I kinda think that in order for that to happen, we’re gonna need the assholes.

(I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this; please feel free to leave a comment below or use the contact page if you’re shy.)

Coming soon: blast from the past courtesy of the Backseat Coach’s old digital camera pics. Hint: Jada + stiletto heels + football field = AWESOME.

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Final score of tonight’s game: 31-0 Militia over the New York Sharks.

Militia season record to date: 6-0.

Best mixed-media guffaw-inducing fan props (click on photo to see larger version):

Fishin’ Militia, we salute you! (Not sure I want to know what the props for the game against the Divas are going to look like, though. Eew.)

So your intrepid Militia Cheerleader spent more time this week looking up articles, blog posts and videos about the Boston Militia and the IWFL than she cares to admit, even in her inconsistent and unnecessary third person voice. I’ll be linking to most of them in a new page on this site soon, but there’s a few that I think deserve some special attention. One is this press release issued, in fact, by Boston Militia management at the beginning of this season. I am filing it under “With Friends Like These, Who Needs OMFG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.” Highlight #1 is the third paragraph, reposted here verbatim:

These “Queens of the Gridiron” are professionals – dental assistants, psychotherapists, accountants, engineers, and teachers. The Boston Militia Women’s Football team wears the same equipment and follows the same rules as men. The only difference is that they are women.

I’m not really sure where to start. I mean, the first and second sentences don’t particularly relate to each other, the second sentence really needs to have “men” replaced with “men’s football” but even then is factually inaccurate (although I do acknowledge that the spirit of the statement is sound), and the third sentence actually transcends redundancy into the realm of the ridiculous. Want more? OK! Here’s the fifth paragraph:

In 2008, their first year record was six wins and two losses. In 2009, they were undefeated during the regular season, winning all eight games including the Eastern Conference Semifinals. They lost the Eastern Conference Championship, but vowed to come back and win it in 2010.

I could be wrong (it happens occasionally) but I’m pretty sure that in 2009, they actually won nine games including the Eastern Conference Semifinals (a.k.a. Divisional Playoff game). But you know what? That’s not even the friggin’ point. I read most of this whole thing just being slightly irritated by things like that, and then I got to this: the final three paragraphs of the press release (not counting the “about the Militia” paragraph at the end):

They are looking forward to 2010 as another exciting season. Their 2010 opening away game is on April 3, 2010 against the New York Nemesis. April 10th is their first home game against the Connecticut Crushers at Dilboy Stadium.

The team sells Boston Militia merchandise to help defray costs. Among the most popular items they sell are pre-shrunk women’s 100% combined ring spun cotton jerseys in either black or red (team colors). They are made especially for women because they are cut differently than men’s apparel to be more flattering to the female body. The jersey features a handmade black and silver sparkle rhinestone designed Boston Militia skull logo.

These jerseys are designed to make you the sports star in any crowd and a great way to show your passion for women’s football and your loyalty for the Boston Militia. Who knows, this comfortable jersey may become your wardrobe staple.

And that’s the end. Of the press release. About the Boston Militia football team.

I mean, am I being unreasonable here in feeling utterly disgusted that a full quarter of this document was devoted to pitching merchandise designed to make your boobs look good? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the shirts in question; I own one myself and wear it proudly to every game. But the pride with which I wear it comes from my fierce support of the women playing on the field in front of me, not from knowing that I’m wearing something designed to be “more flattering to the female body.”

But I thought hey, maybe I’m out of line here; maybe all teams do this sort of thing. So I decided to do a little investigating. I searched the news and press release archives of four different Boston-area teams for some words and phrases found within the Militia press release above; here are the results (click on each to expand):

(The Celtics site actually crashed – one assumes in disgust – mid-search. True story.)

In all seriousness, this is not meant to be an all-out tirade against Militia operations & management folks. I know very well that these games wouldn’t even be happening like this if it were not for them. I would just strongly encourage everyone to remember what this team and this game is really about, and the honest potential it has to affect both the adults and the kids watching it. Please look at the picture on the right, taken by the Backseat Coach after the game last night.

I believe that that little girl was asking for those autographs because she looked at the Boston Militia players and saw them as athletes, as strong and serious as any others. Please don’t undermine that with rhinestone wardrobe advice.

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What’s up, new season? Besides this, I mean:

(click on images to see bigger versions)

It was parked outside the stadium today, although I did receive the sneak-preview photos above from an inside source. And by that I mean someone who saw the truck before I did. Yay, Militia Truck!

I am thrilled to say that our Boston Militia have both kicked ass and taken names in their first two games this season (56-6, 59-10); they’re playing great, they’re psyched up, their fan base is growing and I can’t wait for the rest of the season. So naturally, I’m going to use this entry to complain about things.

1. Hey, Mr. Announcer Guy, either learn the names and numbers of the players on the field or hand the microphone to someone who already has. You’d have a number of volunteers in the stands; amongst others, I’d nominate the woman sitting near us who was prepared to storm the announcers’ booth if you called #22 “Hefferman” one more time.
2. Start selling season tickets already.
3. Why is no one covering the Militia games on goddamned Twitter? I didn’t see one freakin’ update on tonight’s game on @IWFL. And to those of you who would suggest that if I don’t like it, I can get on that particular duty I say this: there are things the Militia Cheerleader can do, and there are things she can’t do. She can write cranky blog posts in the third person; she cannot give play-by-play commentary. Well, she could, but it would pretty much look like this:
   

   CT Crushers just tried to do a thing! And it didn’t work! Ha! We’ll probably score again.

   So she’s not gonna. But someone should.

4. Note to self: save screenshots or archives of articles you link to. Just about every damn thing I linked to in earlier posts is no longer available to read…I’ll see if I can find some cached versions or something later. Bollocks.
5. It was really cold at the game tonight, and I wore layers and everything. WTF, man.
6. I mostly threw that last one in because I’m trying to put off writing about the one thing that I AM honestly bullshit about, that being the ongoing unbelievable lack of support, recognition or appreciation for the Militia and all other teams in the league from virtually any source that is not a family member or a friend. This sport is so far under the mainstream radar that it fucking kills me. I’m going to write about this some more later, and I’m hoping to get to ask some of the Militia themselves about how they interpret it and what suggestions they might have for how to try to change that, but for now I am still working on getting my anger management skills together enough to be able to have a conversation about this without it degenerating into a furious tirade or physical violence. But hey, maybe someone would cover THAT on Twitter.

Final note: Both I and the Backseat Coach (a.k.a. Mr. Militia Cheerleader) were very confused by the mid-game announcement that the concession stand would now be selling make-believe hot dogs. Hey, we were close.

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The Backseat Coach thinks they should have gotten that guy who does the voiceovers for movie trailers and I think they should have gotten Christopher Walken…but irregardless, we love this:

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