Final score of tonight’s game: 31-0 Militia over the New York Sharks.
Militia season record to date: 6-0.
Best mixed-media guffaw-inducing fan props (click on photo to see larger version):
Fishin’ Militia, we salute you! (Not sure I want to know what the props for the game against the Divas are going to look like, though. Eew.)
So your intrepid Militia Cheerleader spent more time this week looking up articles, blog posts and videos about the Boston Militia and the IWFL than she cares to admit, even in her inconsistent and unnecessary third person voice. I’ll be linking to most of them in a new page on this site soon, but there’s a few that I think deserve some special attention. One is this press release issued, in fact, by Boston Militia management at the beginning of this season. I am filing it under “With Friends Like These, Who Needs OMFG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.” Highlight #1 is the third paragraph, reposted here verbatim:
These “Queens of the Gridiron” are professionals – dental assistants, psychotherapists, accountants, engineers, and teachers. The Boston Militia Women’s Football team wears the same equipment and follows the same rules as men. The only difference is that they are women.
I’m not really sure where to start. I mean, the first and second sentences don’t particularly relate to each other, the second sentence really needs to have “men” replaced with “men’s football” but even then is factually inaccurate (although I do acknowledge that the spirit of the statement is sound), and the third sentence actually transcends redundancy into the realm of the ridiculous. Want more? OK! Here’s the fifth paragraph:
In 2008, their first year record was six wins and two losses. In 2009, they were undefeated during the regular season, winning all eight games including the Eastern Conference Semifinals. They lost the Eastern Conference Championship, but vowed to come back and win it in 2010.
I could be wrong (it happens occasionally) but I’m pretty sure that in 2009, they actually won nine games including the Eastern Conference Semifinals (a.k.a. Divisional Playoff game). But you know what? That’s not even the friggin’ point. I read most of this whole thing just being slightly irritated by things like that, and then I got to this: the final three paragraphs of the press release (not counting the “about the Militia” paragraph at the end):
They are looking forward to 2010 as another exciting season. Their 2010 opening away game is on April 3, 2010 against the New York Nemesis. April 10th is their first home game against the Connecticut Crushers at Dilboy Stadium.
The team sells Boston Militia merchandise to help defray costs. Among the most popular items they sell are pre-shrunk women’s 100% combined ring spun cotton jerseys in either black or red (team colors). They are made especially for women because they are cut differently than men’s apparel to be more flattering to the female body. The jersey features a handmade black and silver sparkle rhinestone designed Boston Militia skull logo.
These jerseys are designed to make you the sports star in any crowd and a great way to show your passion for women’s football and your loyalty for the Boston Militia. Who knows, this comfortable jersey may become your wardrobe staple.
And that’s the end. Of the press release. About the Boston Militia football team.
I mean, am I being unreasonable here in feeling utterly disgusted that a full quarter of this document was devoted to pitching merchandise designed to make your boobs look good? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the shirts in question; I own one myself and wear it proudly to every game. But the pride with which I wear it comes from my fierce support of the women playing on the field in front of me, not from knowing that I’m wearing something designed to be “more flattering to the female body.”
But I thought hey, maybe I’m out of line here; maybe all teams do this sort of thing. So I decided to do a little investigating. I searched the news and press release archives of four different Boston-area teams for some words and phrases found within the Militia press release above; here are the results (click on each to expand):
(The Celtics site actually crashed – one assumes in disgust – mid-search. True story.)
In all seriousness, this is not meant to be an all-out tirade against Militia operations & management folks. I know very well that these games wouldn’t even be happening like this if it were not for them. I would just strongly encourage everyone to remember what this team and this game is really about, and the honest potential it has to affect both the adults and the kids watching it. Please look at the picture on the right, taken by the Backseat Coach after the game last night.
I believe that that little girl was asking for those autographs because she looked at the Boston Militia players and saw them as athletes, as strong and serious as any others. Please don’t undermine that with rhinestone wardrobe advice.
