(If you didn’t, you should have.)
[poll id=”2″]p.s. I put some pics up in the gallery; the settings are still a little wonky but I’m hoping to have time to work on that this weekend. More pics to come as well.
So much awesome, so little time
Your faithful Militia Cheerleader is snowed right the eff under at work right now, so you are going to have to do without the usual copious commentary on each of these things for the time being. If I wait until I can snarkily write about each one it might be, like, Halloween or something. And HELLO we are in the midst of a countdown! A countdown to….THE SHOWDOWN IN SOMERVILLE. (Could that dude look any more blasé about the whole thing? Ho-hum, yup, gonna flip a coin, maybe have a make-believe hotdog.)
- Yes, that’s right! The Militia are just 1 wind away! (Let’s hope it’s not a mighty wind.)
- Since I can’t watch videos at work I sadly have to wait before getting to see what I have been told is the best! show! evah! (which could be sarcastic, actually; I won’t know until I watch it or someone posts a review in the comments).
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Finally, I received a fascinating tip yesterday from someone whom I suspect is a member of the rogue underground Militia Liberation Movement: this link.
Just take that in for a minute.
It might be the crazy-making workload or the low blood sugar, but I don’t even know where to start with that one. Not in a “I love/hate it so much I can’t think of the right words” kind of way, just…I have so many different thoughts about it that I literally don’t know where to start.
You got anything?
BREAKING NEWS: “Women’s Football” discovered by reactionary old codger
Ok, “Meet Your Militia” is all well and good but you have to admit it pales in comparison with true professional journalism. (I posted the story as an image and not a link because the site where the article was posted sometimes did that “unexpectedly loud popup commercial that totally busts you at work” kind of thing, but it’s here if you wanna see it for reals. Also, fun fact: this is actually what the headline looked like from the time it was published until yesterday, and until it was changed I honestly didn’t know if it was a typo or the world’s most obnoxious play on words.)
Now, since the Militia Cheerleader loves completely unscientific public opinion polls even more than she loves talking about herself in the third person, please add your vote below:
[poll id=”1″]p.s. Perhaps you’ve noticed we’ve had a slight redesign. Please let me know if you come across anything on the site that’s not working right, which is fairly likely considering I coded most of it while on Benadryl.
Meet Your Militia: Alpo (#50)
Our first “Meet Your Militia” participant is offensive lineman Alpo (#50). (Please note that I’m not planning on putting players’ real names with their interviews unless they specifically ask; I’m not sure everyone would necessarily want this blog showing up in search engine results if someone looked them up. And while we’re at it, please also note that the disclaimer at the top of this site still applies during this Q&A; the fact that someone was generous enough to take a few minutes to answer some random questions from a fan doesn’t mean they endorse everything else that I write here, yeah? Yeah. OK, enough of that. Let’s get to the good part.)
© Threepairs Photography
1. What’s your favorite part of game day?
Besides the thrill of playing, there are a few little things…Our pregame speech by 54, my ritual with the BRAT pack, the National Anthem, the first hit coming out of my stance. Looking around the locker room before every game and thinking how incredibly lucky I am to be a part of this amazing craziness. Check marks and lastly, Lionel Richie. Yes, Lionel Richie.
2. Are there people in your life who don’t like that you play football?
My mom. And my grandfather. I think it’s funny because my grandmother doesn’t seem to mind it too much, as long as I don’t get hurt. But either way, they still support me.
3. We’ve heard that in addition to being a guidance counselor, a high school athletics coach and a football player, you’re also a competitive weightlifter. When you get in an argument or someone just pisses you off, do you think to yourself “Man, I could totally pick you right up over my head and bodyslam you WWE-style right here”? If not, will you from now on?
Haha, not so much the body slam part, maybe just throw them across the room. It is quite similar to a log press, though.
4. What is something that’s made you feel supported as a Militia player?
Since my first game, my friends and family have been supportive. My friends traveled as far as DC and Montreal. Some of the kids I coach take buses and trains to get from Chelsea to Somerville. My dad never misses a home game. And my 11-year-old Godson has this odd obsession with skull and crossbones…no idea where THAT came from.
It’s kinda amazing when you walk into the stands after a game and there are kids waiting for your autograph. One of my little fans who only knows me from coming to the games (Hi Hannah!) saw me after the DC game last year and asked if we could take a picture together. Even with all those crazy emotions running though me, I hoisted her up on my shoulders and her mom took our picture with probably two of the most sincere smiles ever. She may think I made her night, but she made mine.
Big shout out to the Somerville Scout and Kelly MacDonald Photography for the article that was in a recent issue of the Scout. Holli and Kelly, you two are awesome!
[Editor’s note: we’ll be posting a link to that article very soon – stay tuned!]
5. What is something you’d like see happen that would make you feel more supported?
I would love to be able to open to the sports section of the paper every week, whether it be the Herald or the Globe, and see the stats from the game, some highlights, maybe even a picture or two. Instead of Monday Morning QB we can have Militia Mondays. Sounds good to me! What else? Highlights on the news. We have been on before, but that was for the playoffs. Other teams air their games on local TV, why don’t we? We have had radio interviews, halftime and intermission interviews during Celtics and Bruins games, ads in the Improper Bostonian, even commercials. And to be paid like the WNBA! Ok, maybe I am asking for a lot…
6. Have you ever locked your keys in your car?
Who hasn’t? Luckily now that I drive a Jeep, it doesn’t happen anymore.
Photo credit: Toal (#21)
Attention, please!
We are very happy to announce that we will soon be debuting a brand new feature here on Militia Cheerleader consisting of exclusive interviews with those Boston Militia players brave enough to face the type of harsh questions and cutting-edge journalism that one only gets from a tenacious correspondent who just doesn’t really feel like working on the thing she’s supposed to be doing for work so she comes up with capricious questions instead.
Our marketing department has been debating what to call this feature, and recently narrowed it down to either “Meet Your Militia” or (with apologies to Stephen Colbert) “Better Know a Militia.” That led to the following exchange between the Militia Cheerleader and her friend Left Fielder:
Left Fielder: FYI, I like “Meet Your Militia” better.
Militia Cheerleader: “Meet Your MOM’S Militia.”
Left Fielder: “I Got Yer Militia Playa Right Here.”
MC: “Kiss My Militia.”
Left Fielder: “Oscar Meyer Has a Way with M-I-L-I-T-I-A.” Wow, that’s good.
We’re planning to move forward with “Meet Your Milita”, by the way; I just wanted to share that conversation with you because it made me laugh so suddenly that I snorted Diet Coke up my nose. May it do the same for you, my friends, may it do the same for you.
In which we prove why we are unlikely to be selected as ESPN’s next commentator
As some of you might know, this site experienced a hefty spike in readership recently (hi, all!) which is both thrilling and a bit nervewracking since now I feel like I have to be all clever and articulate when really that shit just sometimes happens by accident, and the rest of the time it’s just me cracking myself up by saying “BUT WILL THE MILITIA DARE KICK OFF TO TARA STEPHENSON?” for the hundredth time. But hey, if you wanna hang out for that part too, awesome!
And I do kind of wish I had a better filter between my brain and my mouth, because I think it would be a great thing if there were blogs like this that could maybe help the IWFL gain more visibility among mainstream media and the general population, but I think those have to be the kind of blogs that you can send out on Twitter to your fellow soccer moms or email to your extended family or whatever, and probably not the blogs written by someone who decides on her way home from work that today’s post topic is going to be “assholes”.
So hey! Today’s post topic is assholes.
Case study #1: Here’s short piece about the Boston Militia that ran in the Improper Bostonian about a year ago: give it a quick read. So, that Altschuller guy: he’s an asshole. He’s not a raving lunatic, he’s not some dude that you don’t want in the same room with kids…he’s just, y’know, an asshole. It’s not uncommon. But if you look past his cheapshot gender-war commentary, I think he was honestly impressed with the game. And even if he didn’t go to a single other game (which I think is a safe-money bet) at least he has some knowledge of the existence of this as a legit sport, and I have to say I like that.
Case study #2: At the Sharks game last Saturday, the Backseat Coach and I ended up sitting next to some assholes. When I was relaying this to a friend of mine yesterday, she understandably thought I meant people who were heckling or making really vulgar comments to each other or something, when in fact I meant it more as a demographic descriptor. Like “we sat next to some gay guys” or “we sat near some Canadians” or something. They were perfectly civil, it was just crystal clear to me that they were experiencing some major cognitive dissonance around trying to connect the kick-ass game happening in front of them with the names and faces they saw in the program book. I didn’t catch everything they said about how they had ended up at the game (I don’t hear well and I yell a lot) but it was something like, one of them had been invited to a previous game by someone who knew someone on the team, and to his shock, it was a goddamn good game and so the next time the Militia were in town, he decided to go again and bring a couple buddies.
Where I’m going with this whole thing is this: I experience my own cognitive dissonance when I listen to someone simultaneously express admiration for the players on the field and, to use Case Study #1 as an example, “scan the names [in the program] to see who sound[s] hot.” I don’t know what to do when someone – in utter seriousness – praises the power and the poise of the offense after they make an amazing touchdown, and then ignores the extra point kick because they’re busy making jokes about the weight of some of the players on the roster.
So I’m of two minds on this issue: on the one hand, I don’t want to be around or interact with anyone who would spend as much time talking about the players’ appearance as they would discussing their performance in the game. On the other hand, I want as many people as possible to find out about this and get hooked on it like I am. And I kinda think that in order for that to happen, we’re gonna need the assholes.
(I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this; please feel free to leave a comment below or use the contact page if you’re shy.)
Coming soon: blast from the past courtesy of the Backseat Coach’s old digital camera pics. Hint: Jada + stiletto heels + football field = AWESOME.
P6: Chomp! (now with extra bonus infuriating juxtaposition)
Final score of tonight’s game: 31-0 Militia over the New York Sharks.
Militia season record to date: 6-0.
Best mixed-media guffaw-inducing fan props (click on photo to see larger version):
Fishin’ Militia, we salute you! (Not sure I want to know what the props for the game against the Divas are going to look like, though. Eew.)
So your intrepid Militia Cheerleader spent more time this week looking up articles, blog posts and videos about the Boston Militia and the IWFL than she cares to admit, even in her inconsistent and unnecessary third person voice. I’ll be linking to most of them in a new page on this site soon, but there’s a few that I think deserve some special attention. One is this press release issued, in fact, by Boston Militia management at the beginning of this season. I am filing it under “With Friends Like These, Who Needs OMFG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.” Highlight #1 is the third paragraph, reposted here verbatim:
These “Queens of the Gridiron” are professionals – dental assistants, psychotherapists, accountants, engineers, and teachers. The Boston Militia Women’s Football team wears the same equipment and follows the same rules as men. The only difference is that they are women.
I’m not really sure where to start. I mean, the first and second sentences don’t particularly relate to each other, the second sentence really needs to have “men” replaced with “men’s football” but even then is factually inaccurate (although I do acknowledge that the spirit of the statement is sound), and the third sentence actually transcends redundancy into the realm of the ridiculous. Want more? OK! Here’s the fifth paragraph:
In 2008, their first year record was six wins and two losses. In 2009, they were undefeated during the regular season, winning all eight games including the Eastern Conference Semifinals. They lost the Eastern Conference Championship, but vowed to come back and win it in 2010.
I could be wrong (it happens occasionally) but I’m pretty sure that in 2009, they actually won nine games including the Eastern Conference Semifinals (a.k.a. Divisional Playoff game). But you know what? That’s not even the friggin’ point. I read most of this whole thing just being slightly irritated by things like that, and then I got to this: the final three paragraphs of the press release (not counting the “about the Militia” paragraph at the end):
They are looking forward to 2010 as another exciting season. Their 2010 opening away game is on April 3, 2010 against the New York Nemesis. April 10th is their first home game against the Connecticut Crushers at Dilboy Stadium.
The team sells Boston Militia merchandise to help defray costs. Among the most popular items they sell are pre-shrunk women’s 100% combined ring spun cotton jerseys in either black or red (team colors). They are made especially for women because they are cut differently than men’s apparel to be more flattering to the female body. The jersey features a handmade black and silver sparkle rhinestone designed Boston Militia skull logo.
These jerseys are designed to make you the sports star in any crowd and a great way to show your passion for women’s football and your loyalty for the Boston Militia. Who knows, this comfortable jersey may become your wardrobe staple.
And that’s the end. Of the press release. About the Boston Militia football team.
I mean, am I being unreasonable here in feeling utterly disgusted that a full quarter of this document was devoted to pitching merchandise designed to make your boobs look good? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the shirts in question; I own one myself and wear it proudly to every game. But the pride with which I wear it comes from my fierce support of the women playing on the field in front of me, not from knowing that I’m wearing something designed to be “more flattering to the female body.”
But I thought hey, maybe I’m out of line here; maybe all teams do this sort of thing. So I decided to do a little investigating. I searched the news and press release archives of four different Boston-area teams for some words and phrases found within the Militia press release above; here are the results (click on each to expand):
(The Celtics site actually crashed – one assumes in disgust – mid-search. True story.)
In all seriousness, this is not meant to be an all-out tirade against Militia operations & management folks. I know very well that these games wouldn’t even be happening like this if it were not for them. I would just strongly encourage everyone to remember what this team and this game is really about, and the honest potential it has to affect both the adults and the kids watching it. Please look at the picture on the right, taken by the Backseat Coach after the game last night.
I believe that that little girl was asking for those autographs because she looked at the Boston Militia players and saw them as athletes, as strong and serious as any others. Please don’t undermine that with rhinestone wardrobe advice.
BUT WILL THE MILITIA DARE KICK OFF TO TARA STEPHENSON??
That sentence, in case you didn’t know, is two things: one, the taunting, overconfident question posed by the DC Divas both on their website and in the program for last week’s game against the Militia, and two, my own personal catchphrase of the past ten days. The Divas used it to crow some more about what is admittedly one of the darkest moments in Militia history…actually, let’s let the Divas tell it themselves. This is taken verbatim from the printed program for last week’s game:
The Divas home game against the Boston Militia today will be a rematch of the barn-storming game the teams played last year for the Eastern Conference Championship. In that game the lead had already changed once when Militia quarterback, Allison Cahill, retook the lead for her team with a 38-yard run for a touchdown with just under a minute left to play in the game. On the ensuing kickoff, #85 Tara Stephenson caught the ball on the Divas’ fifteen and ran back 85 yards for a touchdown to win the game for the Divas. It was Stephenson’s second kickoff return for a touchdown in 2009. Stephenson will be returning kickoffs for the Divas today, but will Boston dare to kick off to her?
Now, I do get that it’s not a literal query…I mean, I don’t think anyone in the Divas franchise was really sitting around hoping that the Militia would get off the bus and get dressed and take the field and then someone would yell HOLY SHIT IT’S TARA STEPHENSON and then they’d all clamor back on the bus, shaking with fear. (Although come to think of it, that would have been hilarious to stage. Too bad I didn’t suggest that a week ago.)
But it’s still obnoxious, and since coincidentally I too am obnoxious, it seemed only right to adopt it as my own (albeit sarcastic) rallying cry. BUT WILL THEY DARE KICK OFF TO TARA STEPHENSON? I asked the Backseat Coach after we decided to travel down to DC for the game. Will they DARE? I asked the cats and my coworkers and some very confused pedestrians that happened to be passing by my car when I was stuck in traffic by the BU Bridge. WILL THEY DARE?
Why yes, yes they did in fact dare. And it turned out quite nicely for them, as you can read here in this article. It was a great game, honestly, and the Backseat Coach and I have much more to say about it (like hey, why don’t WE have a hilariously creepy mascot who inexplicably wears an Iron Man Mexican wrestling mask?) but I’m afraid this post would just turn into something far too long for people to actually want to read, and besides, I need to get to this part:
Why the eff can’t I find anyone covering the Militia/Nemesis game that starts in half an hour? I am seriously bothered by this. Per this post, there’s multiple broadcasts for the NY Sharks game and one for each of four other games but not ours. Neither we nor the Nemesis’ crew seem to be on top of the Twitter thing [see update below] which means I can only hope that somehow the main IWFL feed can give us the score once in a while. It’s hard to cheerlead when you don’t know what’s happening in the game. (Not impossible, mind you, but hard. All I have right now is “BUT WILL THEY DARE KICK OFF TO SOME WIDE RECEIVER WHOSE NAME I DON’T KNOW?” but I’m working on it.) Go, Militia!
UPDATE: I take it back! Someone’s updating the Militia Twitter feed for serious. Thanks, Militia Twitterer!!
let’s get ready to gruuuuuuuuumble!!!!!
What’s up, new season? Besides this, I mean:
(click on images to see bigger versions)
It was parked outside the stadium today, although I did receive the sneak-preview photos above from an inside source. And by that I mean someone who saw the truck before I did. Yay, Militia Truck!
I am thrilled to say that our Boston Militia have both kicked ass and taken names in their first two games this season (56-6, 59-10); they’re playing great, they’re psyched up, their fan base is growing and I can’t wait for the rest of the season. So naturally, I’m going to use this entry to complain about things.
- Hey, Mr. Announcer Guy, either learn the names and numbers of the players on the field or hand the microphone to someone who already has. You’d have a number of volunteers in the stands; amongst others, I’d nominate the woman sitting near us who was prepared to storm the announcers’ booth if you called #22 “Hefferman” one more time.
- Start selling season tickets already.
- Why is no one covering the Militia games on goddamned Twitter? I didn’t see one freakin’ update on tonight’s game on @IWFL. And to those of you who would suggest that if I don’t like it, I can get on that particular duty I say this: there are things the Militia Cheerleader can do, and there are things she can’t do. She can write cranky blog posts in the third person; she cannot give play-by-play commentary. Well, she could, but it would pretty much look like this:
CT Crushers just tried to do a thing! And it didn’t work! Ha! We’ll probably score again.
So she’s not gonna. But someone should.
- Note to self: save screenshots or archives of articles you link to. Just about every damn thing I linked to in earlier posts is no longer available to read…I’ll see if I can find some cached versions or something later. Bollocks.
- It was really cold at the game tonight, and I wore layers and everything. WTF, man.
- I mostly threw that last one in because I’m trying to put off writing about the one thing that I AM honestly bullshit about, that being the ongoing unbelievable lack of support, recognition or appreciation for the Militia and all other teams in the league from virtually any source that is not a family member or a friend. This sport is so far under the mainstream radar that it fucking kills me. I’m going to write about this some more later, and I’m hoping to get to ask some of the Militia themselves about how they interpret it and what suggestions they might have for how to try to change that, but for now I am still working on getting my anger management skills together enough to be able to have a conversation about this without it degenerating into a furious tirade or physical violence. But hey, maybe someone would cover THAT on Twitter.
Final note: Both I and the Backseat Coach (a.k.a. Mr. Militia Cheerleader) were very confused by the mid-game announcement that the concession stand would now be selling make-believe hot dogs. Hey, we were close.
you’re not a fan if your heart never gets broken
Fuck.
I’m not one of those people who can instantly jump to “that’s ok, we’ll get ‘em next year, champ!” and from the tone of the afterparty, neither is my team.
But hey, Boston Militia, you fierce fucking amazing bad-asses – when you’re ready to be excited about next season, I will be too. You just let me know.