So I have decided that 2014 is the Season of Ridiculous in women’s football. I could show you a bunch of charts and spreadsheets showing the quantitative extent of the ridiculous, but there will be plenty of time for that during the playoffs and really all you need to know right now is that Boston is playing Chicago in Pittsburgh this weekend.
And not just anywhere in Pittsburgh – actually, literally not anywhere in Pittsburgh. Seems the game is at the William Campbell Athletic Field in Munhall, PA, and if you look it up on Google Maps you get this:
So until given indisputable proof otherwise, I choose to believe that this tackle football game is going to take place in the rec room of the Eldercrest Nursing Center. I’m bringing a big-ass flag and no kids. SEE YOU THERE, SUCKERS!
A somewhat inclusive list of what we brought to the last Militia game:
Two flags (one large, one small)
Two Militia beach towels
One pair gloves
One rhinestone skull and crossbones cap
One pirate cowboy hat
Three pom-poms
One notebook & pen
Two emergency ponchos
2013 Militia program
Backseat Coach’s trademark necklace
Three partial skeins of yarn
One set interchangeable knitting needles
Sour candy
Facepaint
One stadium seat
Some other stuff
One practice jersey (#74)
Here is what we are bringing today:
Tiny Coach.
Yay Tiny Coach! This morning when we were talking about it, however, he was expressing some serious apprehension about attending what he calls the booball game. Upon further discussion, it became clear that he thought he would be asked to PLAY in the game (“As the ball?” – Conway). I think this stems from my (in retrospect, unhelpful) attempt to explain why people who he already knew to be giant would look even MORE giant: “We’re going to see Auntie Kandi! And she’s gonna have these big pad things on her shoulders! They’re ’cause in booball, people bang into each other – boom! Also they wear helmets!”
And frankly, my credibility is at somewhat of an all-time low right now, seeing as how we attended our first seder last night and while I assured him beforehand that the stories wouldn’t be too scary (wtf! they told me it would be toddler-friendly!) there ended up being a surprisingly uncensored version of the ten plagues including the slaughter of the Egyptian first-born. Yay! So my telling him that the booball game should ALSO not be concerning is, perhaps, a bit counterproductive at this point.
So whatevs, we’ll just have to hope that unlimited hotdogs and time without his grabby little brother will make up for being drafted into a full-tackle football game when he’s not quite three years old. See you there!
Do you have a Macbook? Do you have a Militia sticker? DO THIS.So in an eight-game season, the WFA has managed to scare up a whole five games for the Militia (possibly six, if the interleague one comes through). I would like to think that as such, the Militia will only owe five-eighths of the league fee, but I’m pretty certain that the WFA gives about five-eighths of a shit.
There are so many things about this season that are SKETCHY with a capital SKETCH but I’m going to try to spread them out into multiple posts because I’m afraid my tendency to condense rancor is accelerating Tiny Coach’s transformation into a bitty little hater: [clear]
[Scene: Our house, college basketball game on TV]
Conway: See, the red guys are playing the blue guys. We want the blue guys to win. Yay blue guys! Go, blue guys!
(pause)
Tiny Coach: I like RED guys.
So since the WFA site still says there’s a game against the Seahawks (there isn’t) and the Boston Militia site is missing an important event on 4/26, here is the 2014 Boston Militia Schedule per the First Fan Family:
[table id=15 /]
So speaking of the First Fan Family, which I pretty much always am ’cause that’s us and it’s my blog and all, it’s Backseat Coach’s birthday week! And despite six weeks of trying, we were unable to procure a babysitter for tonight so I was planning to stay home with TC & Scout so BSC could go to the game and do the Twitter thing. I was also going to ask some of my Militia insiders if they could have Toin Coss guy give a b-day shout-out to BSC during the game, but yesterday he told me that he had already arranged for ME to go and for him to stay home with the kids and do the Twitter thing based on the streaming video (if it happens) and the radio (if it doesn’t).
Guys. You don’t even know. BSC has been prepping for this season like it was his paid employment. Did you all catch him on that radio show I didn’t listen to because I was feeding the kids dinner? I’ll try to dig up a link. He’s doing mad research and networking and all the stuff I’d do if I did things the smart way instead of just blowing through life with no filter. He is, as far as I can tell, literally the single most accurate and timely source of score updates in the entire effing league. And he’s staying home with two grumpy toddlers with colds so I can go and yell and see my friends and yell. (Not only that, but he knew I would argue with him about it so he arranged for Conway to come get me whether I like it or not, so that’s the that of that.)
This season’s gonna be weird, kids, but we’re all along for the ride.
August 3, 2013, 9 p.m. ET, Balboa Stadium, San Diego, Calif.
Video stream: ESPN 3
Current line: Chicago Force by 20.5
Massey prediction: Chicago 58 – Dallas 26
Although I’d never be one to say that a lot has been written about a women’s tackle football game, it seems like there has been quite a lot written lately about the Chicago Force’s grand quest to finally notch a win in the big one.
Here are a few that have have the backstory, front story, facts and figures and stuff you would normally see in a game preview.
I haven’t seen one article that focuses on the Dallas Diamonds, their player’s personal stories, or their equally impressive mission to win their fifth championship, which would be a record for most in all of women’s football history (and tied with the now defunct Detroit Demolition).
It’s pretty clear the Chicago Force are getting all the media attention.
Not to mention Sami Grisafe blowin’ up my Twitter feed the past week when the video of her vocal and ukelele performance of our national anthem at the 2013 IFAF Women’s World Championship went viral.
So, let’s talk about Sami Grisafe, ha. She’s already announced that she will be retiring at the end of the season to pursue a promising career in music and entertainment. It’s do or die, now or never. It all comes down to this. You can throw in every cliché you can think of, but her story, and the story of the 2013 Chicago Force, really does all come down to a moment.
It seems that the Force are on a roll, and Grisafe has been playing like every game is her last, and tonight, it actually will be. Because she has already announced her retirement, tonight’s headlines will be all about Grisafe, no matter what happens. She will either be hailed as the John Elway of women’s football, or failed as the Jim Kelly.
But what about the Dallas Diamonds? Yes, they are huge underdogs. They are out of the spotlight; darkhorses with an undefeated record. If they can avoid the mistakes the Boston Militia made when they fell to the Force two weeks ago (slow start on offense, inability to make in-game adjustments before halftime, giving up big plays on defense), I think their defense will make big plays and shock the women’s football world.
I love this picture so much.Let’s start off by getting one thing straight here: I signed up to be a fan of a sports team, not to be a character in a feel-good movie about a sports team. So to those of you who felt the need to apologize to us after Saturday’s game: there is just no world in which that was necessary. Honestly, the thing really bothering me the most right now is the injuries that some of you had going into that game and the injuries that some of you sustained during it. It is an ongoing internal struggle for me to be so passionate about something that puts my friends in danger, albeit of their own choosing. I need to spend some time processing what it means to support something where your physical safety – while important – is not the top priority. That is hard for me.
So besides that, here is what I’ve been thinking about: you know that stuff I was saying about wanting Scout to have an experience equal to what Tiny Coach got two years ago? I realized something there at the game in Chicago: he did. Two years ago I held TC in my arms, pressed up against the storage-shed-turned-visitors-locker-room, taking shelter from the intense sun and watching a wonderful outcome on the field. Someone on the Chicago organization saw me standing there with the baby and brought me a folding chair; I still appreciate that. This year I held Scout in my arms, pressed up against the same storage shed, taking shelter from the rain and watching the opposite outcome on the field. And someone on the Boston organization saw me standing there and brought us into the shed where the whole team was waiting out the lightning delay (and really didn’t want or need any company at the moment).
There are essentially two outcomes that a game you care about can have: one good and one bad. My experiences with my kids there spanned both of them. Both came with an unexpected act of kindness from someone who didn’t know us well. In both cases, I was proud of my team when they walked on the field and I was immensely proud of them when they walked off. Please don’t let that make you uncomfortable and please don’t try to argue with it. If you’re not ready to be proud of yourself, that’s one thing. But it doesn’t invalidate my admiration and respect.
This next part is especially for the players for whom this was their last season playing. Maybe you thought your legacy was going to be a third championship, obtained through a rewrite of last year’s ending. It would have been a nice legacy, to be sure. Poetic, even. I was hoping for that, obviously, and over the past week had increasing heart palpitations and aaaahhhh!!! moments as I thought about the game. But I was honestly surprised to feel a true sense of calm once we got to the field. While in general I am not exactly boss at finding my zen, in this case my zen found me. I still don’t know why. So towards the end of the first quarter, when the score began to really not be what I was hoping to see, I just stepped back from the field a little bit and looked around.
And right there, in the grassy area outside of the fence which demarcated the actual field, were two little girls. Maybe ten or eleven years old? Somewhere around there. And they were just running around, throwing a football back and forth. Maybe not so much catching it, but definitely working on it. (One of them had a pretty good spiral going.) And I watched them, and tears came to my eyes. This, I thought. This is your legacy. I thought it was going to happen on the field where you were playing, but I was watching it happen on the grass right next to you. Backseat Coach saw it, too.
I don’t know who those girls were. I don’t even know if either of them wants to play football; maybe they were just bored and that’s what was around. But that’s not what matters here. The truth is that women’s tackle football and all that comes with it is trending upwards and no one can stop it now. Do you know about Maddy Paige? She’s a twelve-year-old girl in Georgia who was the starting left defensive tackle on her school’s football team last year, then was told by the school that she couldn’t play again this year because it was inappropriate to have a girl playing on a boys’ team. (It’s a private Christian school and thus exempt from Title IX.) Her mom started a Facebook page called “Let Her Play”, thinking that if she could get a few hundred supporters, she might be able to convince the school to change their mind. In a matter of weeks, she got almost 50,000.
Maddy Paige is your legacy. Sam Gordon is your legacy. Those girls I saw on Saturday are your legacy. My sons, who will grow up with your sport as a part of their everyday reality, are your legacy. Their understanding of women will be shaped in part by the sport you played when no one else wanted you to or thought you could. I cannot thank you enough for that. You helped create the environment that is allowing this groundswell of support to manifest. Especially those of you who started playing ten or fifteen years ago – you are pioneers. It breaks my heart that so few people will know what you did, but I promise you that I will do what I can to change that.
If you are done playing now, my family and I thank you deeply and sincerely, and we hope that you’ll remain an active part of the greater Militia family from off the field. (Come sit with us! I usually have candy!) And if you’re planning to return next year, I cannot wait to see you out there. Please get healthy and stay safe.
Finally, you can ascribe this last part to whatever emotion you’d like but the honest truth is that it would have been accurate completely regardless of the outcome of Saturday’s game: every day, at least once a day, I stop what I’m doing and just allow myself to be grateful that Cahill is not a singer/songwriter. #thatisall
Both of the Militia’s last two losses came during away games which I attended while pregnant. I am attending this away game, but I am not pregnant. I checked a few days ago. I am not making that up. So we’re all good there.
This morning on the plane, I told Backseat Coach that while I was making no predictions or plans as such, it did occur to me that if the two teams that end up in the WFA final are Boston and Dallas, then holding that game in San Diego would just be stupid. I suggested a change of locale to a neutral field somewhere between the two cities – Tennessee, for example. Then we land and go pick up our rental car, and here is the license plate:
Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
When we got to the hotel, I was pushing Scout around in his stroller just checking out the scene and we ran into Cabrera (#54/DL) like right away. How is that NOT a good sign? I mean really.
Scout was hanging out with some of his Militia aunties this afternoon and he was introduced to the General. “What’s Boston gonna do to the Force today?” one auntie asked him. And Scout ATE HIS ANTENNAE. Dude. That’s hardcore.
[Editor’s note: These 11th hour game previews are brought to you by Backseat Coach, who – no lie – wrote them on his iPhone while we were travelling to Chicago this morning. That’s skill.]
The fourth round of the Women’s Football Alliance (WFA) playoffs are the conference championships. There are 4 teams remaining; 3 teams (Boston, Chicago, and Dallas) reached the conference championships last year. This is the first time the central Cal War Angels have reached a conference championship game.
Boston Militia (10-0) vs Chicago Force (10-0)
July 20, 2013, 7 p.m. ET, Lazier Field, Evanston, Ill.
Audio stream: http://www.chicagoforcefootball.com/live.asp
In-game updates: @chicagoforce @bostonmilitia @backseatcoach
Current line: none
Massey prediction: Chicago 60 – Boston 44
Both of these teams have been to the conference championship before, and in the past two seasons, they have met each other in this game. Against each other, each team is 1-1.
The Militia seeks redemption for last year’s dramatic one-point loss.
With their status as a perpetual also-ran becoming more solidified following a loss to the San Diego Surge in last year’s WFA Championship game, the Force are desperate to win its first championship, especially now that franchise quarterback Sami Grisafe has announced this season will be her last playing football.
But when it comes to picking a winner, none of that matters, because I’m a complete homer.
Backseat Coach picks: Boston Militia
Central Cal War Angels (11-0) vs Dallas Diamonds (10-0)
July 20, 2013, 8 p.m. ET, Pennington Field, Bedford, Tex.
In-game updates: unknown
Current line: None
Massey prediction: None
The Dallas Diamonds are distinguished as one of women’s football’s most successful franchises, winning a record 4 league championships in 5 years. But since winning its last ring in 2008, Dallas has failed to reach the big game, due in part to the emergence of strong western teams like the the San Diego Surge who knocked the Diamonds out of the playoffs consecutively in 2011 and 2012.
This year, with the Surge now out of the way having fallen in the league quarterfinals, Dallas sees its opportunity to get to their first chance at a WFA championship. And unlike recent seasons, they get to play the conference championship game at home.
Only thing is the Central Cal War Angels stand in their way. The War Angels have thus far been very impressive, and have thoroughly dominated its competition, including a solid victory last week over the Diamonds’ nemesis the San Diego Surge.
While there is something a bit shadowy about the War Angels that leaves a kernel of doubt in my mind that they seem too good to be true, there is no logical reason to doubt them on the field of on this game.
Backseat Coach picks: Central Cal War Angels
Last Round’s Results
Boston Militia 58, DC Divas 34
Chicago Force 84, Atlanta Phoenix 0
Dallas Diamonds 35, St. Louis Slam 20
Central Cal War Angels 40, San Diego Surge 14
Backseat Coach’s win-loss record in playoffs: 18-4
Massey Predictions and Zermelo Ratings by John Spatz, EZ Football Rankings.
Point spreads by Steve Mark, courtesy of New York Sharks.
Your Militia Cheerleader, while not particularly superstitious, has spent enough time in New Orleans to respect the concept of juju – particularly bad juju. After the Chicago game last season, we brought all our pompoms and clackers and cowbells and beads and flags back home, but they had in them some bad juju; obviously we couldn’t bring them to this year’s game with that crap still there.
So we put it all together in a pile (click photos for larger versions):
[Ed. note: These recaps come to us from DC Divas’ staff writer Neal Rozendaal, whom Backseat Coach and I got to meet in person at Saturday’s game (goofy photographic evidence of this exists and will be posted as soon as I swipe BSC’s iPhone and email the pics to myself). As ever: thanks, DC Neal!]
Click any of the scores to expand the recap for that game:
[toggle title=”Boston 58, DC 34″]
Boston, MA – The Boston Militia scored three unanswered touchdowns to break open a 36-34 game late in the third quarter and outlasted the DC Divas, 58-34. The Militia (10-0) received their toughest first-half challenge of the season, holding a slim 29-28 advantage at halftime. DC running back Kenyetta Grigsby brought the Divas (6-4) within two points at 36-34 midway through the third quarter with her fifth rushing touchdown of the game.
But Militia running back Whitney Zelee rushed for her third score of the game late in the period to put Boston ahead, 44-34. The Militia then put the contest away with two fourth-quarter touchdowns to provide the final margin. Boston quarterback Alison Cahill capped off the scoring by racing to the end zone for her fourth rushing touchdown of the contest with under seven minutes remaining in the game.
Boston advances to the National Conference championship game for the fifth straight season, where they will face the Chicago Force. The Divas suffered their fourth consecutive playoff loss against Boston, a women’s professional football record. They end their season with a record of 6-4, with three of those losses at the hands of the Militia.
[/toggle]
[toggle title=”Chicago 84, Atlanta 0″]
Chicago, IL – The Chicago Force advanced to the conference championship game by thoroughly dominating the Atlanta Phoenix and pitching an 84-0 shutout. The Force (10-0) scored their first touchdown less than a minute and a half into the game and held a 46-0 lead at halftime.
The Atlanta Phoenix (9-1) were no match for the powerful offense of the Force. Chicago and Team USA gold medal-winning quarterback Sami Grisafe threw ten touchdown passes, and Force wide receiver Jeanette Gray hauled in seven of those scoring tosses.
The Chicago Force advance to the Eastern Conference championship game, where they will face the Boston Militia in a rematch of last year’s National Conference title game. In 2012, the Force edged the Militia in a highly entertaining contest, 35-34, and the winner of this year’s matchup will once again represent the East for the WFA championship.
[/toggle]
[toggle title=”Dallas 35, St. Louis 20″]
St. Louis, MO – The Dallas Diamonds passed their first challenge of the season with flying colors. Diamonds quarterback Odessa Jenkins rushed for four touchdowns – including two in the second half as Dallas rallied from a halftime deficit – and the Diamonds defeated the St. Louis Slam, 35-20.
The Slam (7-4), who were allowed to host the conference semifinals thanks to their road victory over the Kansas City Titans in the previous round, got off to a strong start in their friendly surroundings. St. Louis led Dallas, 17-14, at halftime, but the Diamonds (10-0) came out in the second half ready for action. Less than three minutes into the third period, Jenkins rushed for a touchdown that gave Dallas the lead for good, 22-17.
No team had stayed within five touchdowns of the Diamonds all season, but St. Louis pushed Dallas to the limit; the Slam held the Diamonds to a season-low point total and kicked a field goal with ten minutes remaining in the contest to shave the Diamonds’ lead to 28-20. But Jenkins put the game away seconds later with her fourth rushing touchdown of the contest, and Dallas’ defense kept St. Louis out of the end zone in the second half to keep the Slam at bay.
The Dallas Diamonds will host the 2013 WFA American Conference championship game, advancing to the conference title game for the fourth consecutive season. The Diamonds have lost in the conference championship round each of the last three years, but all three of those losses were on the road. For the first time since 2006, the Diamonds will host a conference title game in Dallas.
[/toggle]
[toggle title=”Central Cal 40, San Diego Surge 14″]
Fresno, CA – The Central Cal War Angels used four second-half touchdowns to overcome a halftime deficit, and they advanced to the American Conference championship game by eliminating the defending league champion San Diego Surge, 40-14.
The Surge (9-2) traded touchdowns with Central Cal in the first half en route to a 14-13 halftime lead. With their second touchdown, San Diego became the first WFA team to score two touchdowns against the War Angels defense this season.
A strong second-half effort clinched the contest for the War Angels (11-0). Central Cal quarterback Chantel Wiggins threw four touchdown passes in the game, three to wide receiver Jamie Fornal and the other to wide receiver Lisa King; King, along with her husband Jeff, is the co-owner of the WFA. The War Angels notched two touchdowns to take a 26-14 lead after three quarters and added two more touchdowns in the final period for the 40-14 victory.
With the win, the Central Cal War Angels move on to their first conference championship game in franchise history. The War Angels will travel to Dallas to take on the Diamonds, who will be playing in their eighth conference title game.
[Editor’s note: All game previews were written by Backseat Coach, who is really good at stuff like game previews.]
The third round of the Women’s Football Alliance (WFA) playoffs are the conference semifinals. There are 8 teams remaining; 5 of these teams (Militia, Divas, Force, Surge, Diamonds) are making a return visit from last year.
Click any of the matchups to expand the preview for that game:
[toggle title=”DC Divas (7-3) vs Boston Militia (9-0)”]
July 13, 2013, 6 p.m. ET, Dilboy Stadium, Somerville, Mass.
Video stream: http://www.livestream.com/bostonmilitia
In-game updates: @divasfootball @bostonmilitia @backseatcoach
Current line: Militia (home) are favored by 26.5
Massey prediction: Divas 36 – Militia 62
The Divas advanced to Round 3 of the playoffs by soundly defeating a resurgent Columbus Comets squad. The Boston Militia slaughtered the Pittsburgh Passion to set up yet another playoff tilt with the Divas. This will be a record-setting fifth consecutive year the Divas and the Militia have faced each other in the postseason.
This classic rivalry was birthed in 2009 during DC’s sole playoff victory against Boston, which was decided in dramatic fashion in the final minute and propelled the Divas into the league championship game. Since then, however, Boston has prevailed upon the Divas, winning 8 of 9 matchups, including three consecutive playoff wins, while also collecting two national championships in 2010 and 2011.
Backseat Coach picks: Boston Militia[/toggle]
[toggle title=”Atlanta Phoenix (10-0) vs Chicago Force (9-0)”]
July 13, 2013, 7 p.m. ET, Lazier Field, Evanston, Ill.
Audio stream: http://www.chicagoforcefootball.com/live.asp
In-game updates: @forcegameday @atlanta_phoenix
Current line: Force (home) are favored by 30.5
Massey prediction: Phoenix 6 – Force 74
After quelling the Cleveland Fusion, the Chicago Force host the Atlanta Phoenix, who advanced to Round 3 of the playoffs by defeating the plucky, pesky Miami Fury.
This will be the only matchup of undefeated teams this week, but unfortunately the teams make for the biggest mismatch of Round 3. Atlanta has impressively reached the conference semifinals in only its second season, but the inescapable Chicago Force will put an anti-climactic end to the joyride.
Backseat Coach picks: Chicago Force[/toggle]
[toggle title=”Dallas Diamonds (9-0) vs St. Louis Slam (7-3)”]
July 13, 2013, 8 p.m. ET, Oakville High School Stadium, St. Louis, Mo.
In-game updates: @mamarcus17
Current line: Diamonds (visiting) are favored by 24
Massey prediction: Diamonds 45 – Slam 31
The undefeated Dallas Diamonds advanced to Round 3 of the playoffs by overpowering the Austin Outlaws. In its biggest game since the 2010 National Conference championship, the St. Louis Slam finally knocked off archrival Kansas City Titans to advance to Round 3.
Though Dallas is favored in most every way, league playoff travel rules enable the St. Louis Slam to host this matchup. That could be a pretty big deal for an upstart team whose rushing attack just had a breakout performance (417 yards, 8 touchdowns) against an elite team. Kate Evers, Taylor Hay, and Co., will have to replicate that performance to keep up with the offensive firepower of the Diamonds. It’s a tall order since Dallas’ defense has not given up more than one touchdown in any game this season. But playing at home may provide the spark St. Louis needs.
Backseat Coach picks: Dallas Diamonds[/toggle]
[toggle title=”San Diego Surge (9-1) vs Central Cal War Angels (10-0)”]
July 13, 2013, 10 p.m. ET, Deran Koligian Football Stadium, Fresno, Calif.
In-game updates: San Diego Surge Facebook Page
Current line: War Angels (home) are favored by 5.5
Massey prediction: Surge 22 – War Angels 39
The San Diego Surge handily dispatched the Sacramento Sirens and the Central Cal War Angels loudly smote the Utah Jynx to advance to Round 3 of the playoffs.
Let’s just get right to the heart of the matter. This game is THE litmus test for the War Angels. On the field, the War Angels have been dominant. They have defeated all comers. They have outright walloped competitive teams like the Sirens, the Jynx, and the Portland Shockwave. But come playoff time, are any of those teams as tough as the San Diego Surge?
Over the past few years, WFA co-owners Jeff and Lisa have been building their flagship team, steadily improving, and this year going as deep into the playoffs as they ever have. But can they be as well prepared as the San Diego Surge, who have advanced this far into the playoffs, and further, in every season of its existence?
As I said in my Round 2 previews, the Surge is a very different team this year compared to last year, with players and staff together facing some huge internal challenges. But champions know how to win despite obstacles, and the Surge have done that this season. Can the War Angels contend with a team that may have already faced the biggest challenge it will see this season, that being the challenge of reshaping and adapting itself?
We will find out the answers to those questions soon. The San Diego Surge are the yardstick by which the War Angels will measure the strength of their team and the success of their season.
Backseat Coach picks: San Diego Surge[/toggle]
Last Round’s Results
Pittsburgh Passion 28, Boston Militia 63
Columbus Comets 12, DC Divas 40
Cleveland Fusion 7, Chicago Force 65
Miami Fury 24, Atlanta Phoenix 28,
St. Louis Slam 58, Kansas City Titans 55
Austin Outlaws 6, Dallas Diamonds 61
Utah Jynx 6, Central Cal War Angels 65
Sacramento Sirens 13, San Diego Surge 39
Backseat Coach’s win-loss record in playoffs: 15-3 (83.33%)
Massey Predictions and Zermelo Ratings by John Spatz, EZ Football Rankings. Point spreads by Steve Mark, courtesy of New York Sharks.
