Dear Boston Militia:
In case you hadn’t noticed, there is a lot that I am willing to do for you. I will attend every one of your home games and as many away games as I can. I will fly halfway across the country to watch you play. I will cheer for you and advocate for you and publicize the team as much as humanly possible.
But I will not let someone throw my old ass twenty feet up in the air over concrete.
I am telling you this to make sure you understand the difference between your Militia Cheerleader and the Sacramento Sirens Cheer Elite. Despite my name and my perpetual fascination with cheerleading competitions on ESPN2[sws_css_tooltip position=”center” colorscheme=”rosewood” width=”254″ makeOverflowVisible=”1″ url=”javascript:void(0);” trigger=”*” fontSize=”12″]which you’d think Backseat Coach would be more excited about, but I think he just finds it slightly disturbing [/sws_css_tooltip], there’s not much similarity between me and other cheerleader-types. Remember the DC Divas rap? In response, I wrote one for us. Here it is, in its entirety:
Bos-ton [clap]
Mil-i-tia [clap]
fuck you.
I have not been able to tell if Sacramento Sirens Cheer Elite will be attending the game this weekend – it’s hard for me to imagine that they wouldn’t be, but I don’t know what their travel budget is like and their events page doesn’t mention it although that could absolutely be a website-updating lapse and not a we’re-not-going-to-Texas lapse.
I guess I just want you to know that even if the Sirens show up with a whole squadron of matching-uniformed highly-enthusiastic extremely loud synchronized tumblers or whatever, there’s still no way those guys love their team more than we love you. And come on, who would you rather have on your side: a bunch of people wearing matching spandex or this guy?
xoxo
your militia cheerleader
